(This isn’t a normal obituary. It is for something that was slowly tortured and murdered to death by the same people who were taught how to nurture it.)
R.I.P the English Language.
The English language, born of humble Anglo-Saxon roots and which was the lingua franca of 600 million people worldwide and the dominant lexicon of international discourse, died under mysterious circumstances yesterday. It was 1617 years old and an ignominiously diminished form of itself called “textese” survives it.
The language’s demise took few by surprise. Signs of its failing health had been evident for some time on the pages of daily newspapers and on the Internet. Influenced by decreased attention to grammar, punctuation and syntax in an era of unedited blogs and abbreviated instant messaging, the language had started taking fatal blows.
The main culprit is still a mystery. Investigation has revealed the primary suspect to be “textese”, an abbreviated form of English. Supporting textese are certain sections of teenagers who think it is cool to use “ma” instead of “my”, “sowieee” instead of “sorry” and so many other disgusting verbal constructions that are conspicuously ubiquitous.
While the motive can be attributed to the fact that using shorter words is more efficient and timesaving, there have been several reports of words being spelt with more than the necessary amount of letters, like “hawt” instead of “hot”.
The murder weapon was revealed to be certain networking sites like “twitter” and “facebook” which promote textese language.
Further probing has revealed that textese supporters are also under attack from certain people who call themselves the “Grammar Nazi”. They are the most revered followers of the English language and their job is to spot and punish textese followers.
Relatives of English informed reporters that English had become increasingly irrelevant, particularly among young adults. Once the most popular major at the colleges and universities, it often trailed more practical disciplines, such as economics, politics and ironically, “communications,” which increasingly involved learning to write mobile-device-friendly ads for products.
While national leaders proclaimed a day of mourning, no one seemed to be really worried about it. Many people interviewed for this obituary appeared unmoved by the news.
But I’m just as interested to hear what you think… so… whaddya say u ppl?
( The Author will be no longer able to offer his services for the world. While writing the last few words of the obituary, he was ambushed and kidnapped by a group calling themselves the “Grammar Nazis”. No further information is available about him at the moment.)